Lesson 1 of Morocco: Learning how to use a Latrine (AKA Latrine 101)

Reader’s Warning: If you’re not into reading/discussing bathroom habits, you may just want to skip over this entry.

Learning how to properly use a latrine is a long process. Don’t be under the impression that I developed and mastered this skill in one or two days. I still have not, to this day, mastered the art of latrine-ing. It is an ongoing learning experience.

Here is the dictionary.com definition of a Latrine (in case you're lost)

la·trine

   [luh-treen] 

noun

a toilet or something used as a toilet, as a trench in the earth in acamp, or bivouac area.

a trench in the earth. ha. classic.

Fact one: there are no toilets in Morocco.

Fact one falsified: that is absolutely false. There are toilets but they are hard to come by and when you do come by them, there is no toilet paper and you can’t guarantee that they will flush.

Fact two: there is no toilet paper in Morocco

Fact two falsified: this is also false. There is toilet paper but only in the really nice places, but you have to buy it from the ladies lurking around the bathroom. Let me just say I’m glad I brought a few extra pairs of underwear…

This post may seem silly and irrelevant but learning how to use a latrine (or how I call them: a hole in the ground) is an engaging and fascinating experience.  The first time I walked in and saw one, my first reaction was: oh, I’m in the boy’s bathroom, whoops, awkward. But after walking out and noticing that, nope, there’s only one, I walked back in.  Second question: where’s the toilet paper? Oh, now  I understand why there were ladies at the train station selling it to me….Third question? Where do I stand on this thing? Fourth question? Dang, those Moroccans must have some killer thighs.

All jokes aside, my first few times of using the restroom in Morocco were a struggle. Sometimes I tried to avoid it, or go into restaurants that looked like they might have a real toilet (even the nice ones don’t…) until I decided to ask my fellow travelers about this mystery to this censored American girl (me).  Thankfully (after many laughs directed towards me) I got some useful tips from the girls. The most important one being that you actually STAND on those little things with the grate marks. 

Which to me seems gross because the first few times when I didn’t know what I was doing I actually peed on those (and I’m sure I’m not the only one!). But I guess that’s why they like people to take their shoes off before they go in their houses…

The problem was that I was trying to stand OUTSIDE of the square, which is why I was having trouble balancing without gripping the wall.

The second tip I learned was that you don’t actually lean against the wall or support yourself with your hands in the least. You literally just plant you feet and “aim and fire quickly” (as one of my travel buddies said-she can remain anonymous). It’s essential that you fire quickly, because if you don’t you may very well end up with urine on your shoes/pants/whatever else you unfortunately brought into the latrine with you.

Note on sexual inequalities: males only experience this less than half the time, so although this post is relevant to both genders, if you’re of the male persuasion, you don’t need to worry as much.

When all is said and done, you walk out feeling confident and a little damp, but at least you have some soap and water and paper towels to clean your hands, NOT!

I hope this post is useful and in the future, when faced with these same circumstances, you won’t make the same silly mistakes I did.